On a dark and stormy night, my foster mother found me dumped in a basket in front of her door step, so decided to raise me.
Except the next day I vanished. A koala found me on the side of a volcano and fed me, nursing me back to health.
My foster parents found me again when I was at the tender age of 5, by then I had learnt to speak fluent Koala.
My childhood is filled with vivid memories: from the time I set my house on fire to the day I cracked my head open against a wall, smearing the room with blood.
As I turned 18, I nearly died while eating an artichoke. That was one unforgettable day. It was the same day my long-term boyfriend told me he was pregnant. (See Guinness Book of Records: Fifth man to give birth)
I didn't love him, but since it was my baby, I had to man up and marry the bloke.
We ended up with twins: Mark and Katie. They were the sweetest little angels, until one day they horrifically died when bungee jumping off a cliff... without a harness... On the official police report, it was listed as suicide, but only I know the truth... well, now you do, as well...
My husband was devastated, and just couldn't deal with the loss, he committed suicide by drowning himself in our bath tub, with my assistance.
I was left widowed and now, I'm single, boys... call me